Welcome to my Haven...grab a cup of hot tea or coco and see what's up today!

Welcome to my Haven...grab a cup of hot tea or coco and see what's up today!
I Live in a Witches World of Broomsticks and Magick!


May All Your Angels Be Wicked Good!

Monday, March 18, 2024

Slowing down....

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted on here, so much has happened since then. I'm not going to go into everything that has happened let just say it it hasn't been an easy last almost year. I moved back to CA. and I'm still here. I'm doing a happy dance these last 2 weeks. I have my own place... well a room in a place but it's mine I pay rent and have awesome roommates.  

coaster
Redoing Gratitude
 
resolutions stitch cal
I have been doing crafts again  I'm hoping to start doing embroidery again soon. I just need to get a extension cord to reach the wall sockets. Then I hope to be up and running things again. I also need to get more cotton yarn to work on some more dish cloths, hand towels, pot holders, and coasters. I want to be able to update my Craft Delight Designs soon.

I have also been rediscovering myself and the picture below explains it best.

photo credit @theravenwolf

 I have worked very hard the last few years to not be an emotional angry bitch. I still have some anger about what he did and probably always will, but I'm not letting it define me. I don't have to feel guilty because I'm alive. It was his choice to end his life not mine. I don't have to stop enjoying my life because of it. I know that sounds angry but it isn't it is Wonder at the realization that I was feeling guilty for being alive when there is no reason I should ever have felt that way. It's determination to not let it define my life anymore. I am so proud for all I have accomplish and done in the last 6 years. I am looking forward to life. I know now that I will live not just survive. 

So I still have some medical issues to deal with and some new things that have cropped up. But I've been dealing with it for almost 30 years so I think I got it covered. I just watch how many spoons I have💜

I hope to be updating this more often now that things are slowing down some.

Remember to tell your loved ones you love them and hug often.

Have a Blessed Week!

Huggs, Cleary (Cie)

 



Friday, May 12, 2023

Dang it's already May....

 



Been busy with family and holidays since I last posted here. Plus dealing with my knee. Which is getting better.
Spiderman afghan 


Started an afghan for my grandson Damon today. It's going to be a spiderman web when finished.


I made the healing stitches rectangle afghan for my grandson Liam and he loves it.

Liam's afghan 

I did finish my better together afghan and ended up gifting it to my daughter in law's sister. So it is getting lots of love.
Better together afghan finished 



Gratitude afghan 
I started the gratitude afghan while I was waiting on the spiderman yarn so it is on hold right now. But I am going to finish it.
I have a lot of doctor things coming up in the next month or so hopefully all will go well.
Will try and post more here again.
Have a Blessed weekend.
Huggs,
Cleary ( Cie)


Monday, October 17, 2022

Back home in Florida....

 So, I came back to Florida last Saturday the 8th.. I have been realizing that I really missed seeing the big open sky and the farm land. It is so beautiful and peaceful.  Like this morning I wish I had gotten a picture of the big  sky with sun rays coming down over the farmland. The picture on the post isn't mine it was a free picture.  I also missed the trees and woods.  I liked the convinces of the city like everything delivered  But I also like the drive to go shopping and just getting out. So I'm looking for a place for me that I can afford. 

I also been crocheting while I take it easy because my leg is in a brace and my rib is fractured.



Not much else going on. 

I hope you have a blessed week!

Huggs,

Cleary (Cie)


Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Out of the darkness....


For many years I lived in darkness, the only window that I could open the curtains was in my crafts room. I watch my world go from a house where people loved each other to a house of darkness where you had to tiptoe and dance around the craziness of someone getting over addiction. I lived for years with paranoia, that there are people watching you. 
When you live in that environment you don't realize that you pick up some of the thinking and traits of agreeing so you don't end up part of the conspiracy and hurt.  
After my husband died I had a whole house to clean up because he was a prepper/ horder. The first thing I did was throw away the shades and curtains. I struggled to open windows that had been shut for years. I felt like a Phoenix raising up from the darkness.
When I had to replace the front door I got one that was half window just so even with lace curtains on it there was light coming in.

I've realized that I will always be uncomfortable in a place where you can't open the shades. I want to be able to open the curtains and the windows. Even though there are different types of darkness in the world and I love the nighttime and I'm learning to embrace my darkness. I also want the light the fresh air  the choice of being able to open them. 
I don't regret the years I lived in darkness to help someone I loved with all my heart and soul. But I don't want to live that way anymore. I want to see the light.
Make sure you hugg your love ones and tell them you love them but make sure to love yourself too.
Have a blessed week!
Hugs,
Clearly (Cie)

 

Monday, July 18, 2022

5 Years....


 The truth is 5 years ago was the hardest day of my life. If I would have know when I woke up that morning what was going to happen in front of me, I would have either run away or never woke up TBH, but I think anyone would feel the same way. This day bothers me more than his actual death 10 days later.  This is the day my funny, loving, honorable, pain in the ass, friend, lover, soulmate of 30 years shot himself with me in the house.

The saying above is so damn true. I would have never thought I could be brave enough to go through that day. I think the shock of watching it happen, Not to be gross but it is nothing like the movies. It is something I will forever see and don't wish for anyone else to ever see. Not being able to help my husband because he was still holding the gun and they didn't want me to get near him and get hurt. That is the worse part being so close but not being able to help, you can only just watch the suffering. Dealing with 911 trying to get them to hurry since we lived in the middle of no where. Telling them I don't care about doors, locks or gates just get in here and help my husband.  Being told not to move til they got my Hubby out of the house and in the ambulance.  Then I couldn't do anything but sit on the bed in shock while they made it a crime scene since he was still alive. Following the police officer out of the house and having to watch where I step because it is a crime scene. Going though all the questions and being photographed to clear me forever even though they knew I didn't do anything.  Sitting outside in the rain realizing that I have to tell his Mom who is on the way to the house, having to phone my daughter who is high risk pregnant and do it in a way she doesn't go into labor. Having to figure out how to get a hold of my son to let him know. Not knowing what hospital they took him to and finding out they don't know either, it took 3 hours to find out.  Having to get permission to go back in the house to get my meds and clothes so I can go to the hospital and then stay with his Mom  Making sure our dog is fed and in her crate for the night and trying to reassure her that everything will be alright and I will be back as soon as I can. 

All of this is burned into my memory. I'm am working hard to get thought the grief and everything that goes with it. I think I'm doing well with that part.  But, I don't know how to get through not remembering this day. 

I have called today and the next 9 the "10 days of Hell" in past years, but I'm not doing that this year I'm not letting the next 9 days define me. There is a meme someone sent me a couple of years ago, "that they hope someday someone will hug me tight enough to put the pieces back together" And yes that would be nice to have that kind of love again, but til then I'm going to love myself enough to put my pieces back together.  

It kind of helps writing about it and what I wrote is such a small version of it all. So I just take it one breath at a time til tomorrow when I can be me again.

Hug your loved ones tight and tell them you love them.

Huggs,

Cleary (Cie)

Sunday, June 26, 2022

Learning about me & Crochet ...

Someday I hope to fine this again🔥❤️🖤💜, Being a widow is weird as you are still in love with the one you lost, but you miss everything about being a couple. Your not sure if you should be a couple with someone else but you don't want to live the rest of your life alone. I'm learning that my heart doesn't want to be alone, that it is big enough to love again but still have a hole where my love for my husband is and always will be.
frogged 3 rows

 I ended up having to frog 3 rows because I missed 1 hidden stitch which put my stitch count off.

hidden stitch
So between the heat and other stuff I have been slowly redoing the 3 rows with lots of stitch markers to make sure my count is right.
Almost caught up.

I'm almost caught back up, on 1 more side to do. Then I can go on with part 3 of this CAL.

It's been a heatwave here the last couple of weeks and we have had no a/c so I'm learning to live with wet hair and lots of showers to cool off. But hopefully the heat will break soon.

I hope everyone has a blessed week.

Huggs,

Cleary (Cie)

Saturday, June 18, 2022


 I can relate to this so well. I wake up everyday to realize that I don't have to watch what I say, how I act. That I don't have to be paranoid or take on the traits of someone who is just because I lived with with someone who was. That I don't have to tiptoe or dance around crazy. I don't have to worry if this is the day that they have a flashback which will make them strike out and hurt me. I lived with a recovering drug addict for years. They were years that were extremely hard but so worth it, and I would do it all again. But, for the last 5 years I wake up every morning and realize that I don't have that weight on my shoulders anymore. It is a 2 edge sword as it is sad because my Husband died. But it is also every freeing as I am realizing that I don't have to live like that anymore. So, when I say I'm finding a new me I really mean it. I have to find the me that was buried under all the above stuff. Also find who I am now without him, and who I want to become.

Huggs,

Cleary (Cie)

Slowing down....

I can't believe it has been so long since I have posted on here, so much has happened since then. I'm not going to go into everythin...