When you are raised a "Good Girl" Part 1: This might trigger some

 

I grew up in the 1970's. My Mother was old enough to be my grandmother at 46 when I was adopted at age 1. My adopted Mother's family raised 4 very independent women who grew up on a farm in Massachusetts.  All of them ended up working, changing the laws for women and starting their own business. Teaching their daughters to be very strong, independent women also. I remember when my Mother took me to get my own savings account and she made sure it was in my name, even though the bank man was an asshole to her. But at the same time because I was raised Catholic (Catholic schools) I was taught to be a "Good Girl". I thought it was in my destiny if I wasn't a Nun, I would run a household, get a job (run a business) and have kids.  

Me at my adoption.

Then when I turned 6 everything changed and I didn't know everything that was happening until I was grown up but by then it was to late. I watched my Father leave my Mother, move to another state and only come home during the holidays or for my Birthday some years.  My Mom didn't believe in divorce. Even though she was independent, worked, made her own furniture, had an awesome garden, etc. She stayed and what happened during that time is I ended up not wanting to be like her.  I used to see my parents fight and heard my Dad say that she was too independent which made her very hard to "LOVE" That she didn't let him feel like a Man. I know now that was his problem and not my mother's but when  you are young you don't get that part. I remember feeling scared that if I acted like my Mother no one would ever love me I would be an old maid, I even thought God wouldn't want me or love me so I couldn't become a Nun.

6 years old catholic school

 As I grew older it was more reinforced the longer my Dad staid away. Plus if we made my Dad upset Mom would tell me to go be nice to him so he would still love me and not abandon me too. That really didn't help. So my preteen and teen years where lived getting reinforced that it wasn't good to be independent if you wanted a Man to love you. 

Birthday dinner for my Brother.

I ended up being the black sheep of my family because I didn't want to work. I wanted to stay home and "Take Care of my Man" I learned that Men pay more attention to you when you are sweet and act like you can't do anything on your own. And my Mother hated it especially all the attention I was getting from the boys in the neighborhood. I guess girls didn't be around boys when she was that age.  I remember 1 night I was around 8 or 9, I went outside to play instead of doing the dishes and even though I was in my own yard because it was evening she called me a slut. I didn't even know what it meant but knew it wasn't nice. After that my Mom put me in more swimming teams so I didn't have time for anything I was too tired.

I have more to write about this and I do have a point to get to, but I have had enough for one evening of remembering. So I will do as many parts of this as I need to. just not sure when yet. I'm will also be leaving some things out in respect for people that are still living, unless I decide to change their names names.  

Remember to tell your family you love then as you never know what is going to happen.

Huggs,

Cleary (Cie)