CieAngel's Haven: It comes in waves...

After a really big wave of grief, anger

That is such a really true statement.. Grief comes in waves... I will be going along just fine and all the sudden it hits you and you are a crying angry mess. It happened last night while I was in the shower. I was fine washing my hair listening to Spotify. A song came on I that I have heard lots of times but it reduced me to a crying leaning against the wall mess. Thankfully being in the shower you are already wet so tears just wash away. But the thing is once you are done with the gut-wrenching heart hurting sobs, you get the intense anger. That part is harder to deal with as I'm not a angry person normally. So I try to just let it consume me and think about the why I'm angry. Being angry is a normal part of grief especially if it is a suicide. There is so much anger at them for doing what they did and leaving you. Anger at yourself for not seeing that it was going to happen. Anger that you couldn't save them. Anger that they left you with the cleanup from the mess they made of everything by taking their life. Anger that they aren't there to share things with anymore. Unfortunately one of the side effects of all that anger is you start to feel like you hate them even while you feel guilty about it because you love them. It is kind of like the a never ending cycle that you just want to get out of. So I acknowledged the why and since I was in the shower just visualize it washing away down the drain. I felt totally drained after but better. I know everyone always tells me to smile in my pictures but I think sometimes it is good to record what you really look like during a grief attack. I feel that you should show yourself and how you are no matter what that is. I also took this picture right after the other one of me with a smile but the eyes tell you it's a fake one. It's the trying to smile thought the pain. I don't think anyone should stay in the mists of grief but I also feel it should be more excepted to be able to show your grief and not to be told to smile if that isn't where you are at. I also feel that it is good to be honest about it all and maybe with me sharing it I will help someone else be able to deal with their own grief. 💔

trying to smile thought the pain

Well enough about that...

I'm still working on the Mandala Blanket CAL on part 3. I really like how the black makes the colors pop. I've got 3 more colors to add then will just keep using them in random order til it is done.

Mandala blanket cal

I did the Game Day Mystery Make-Along by Marly Bird. Boy did I have problems with it mostly because I'm not used to how she does her patterns and I got confused with the different options parts.

game day oops

I did the same row twice and as you can see I ended up frogging more than once.

game day frogging

I finally figured it out with the help of the video and it clicking in my brain lol. I still have to finish it but it will have to wait til I find my 5mm hook that is misplace (maybe grandkids). But since I was making it for my granddaughter I think I will just restart it again with a smaller hook which will fit her better anyway.