Hoildays a 2 edged sword...

Sometimes I hate holidays they are 2 edged swords: You are happy because of the fun your family is having, but at the same time you are angry and sad that part of your family is gone and they made the choice to be gone. They should be here to see everything you are. Be here to go through everything with you. There are so many memories of other holidays in the past that it just overwhelms you. But at the same time you want to forget and get over the grief, the anger, the loneliness that never goes away even when you are with family. You would think after almost 5 years I would be pass most of this, most days I'm good then something comes along an it hits all over again. Then I have to try and explain why I'm crying to my grandkids who want to make sure grandma isn't upset with them. Which isn't fun. But it is what I deal with. So days I just want it all to end,  I just want to be happy again and not get hit with grief.  I'm so tired of being strong. But I know someday I will get there.

 Huggs,

Cleary (Cie)