For many years I lived in darkness, the only window that I could open the curtains was in my crafts room. I watch my world go from a house where people loved each other to a house of darkness where you had to tiptoe and dance around the craziness of someone getting over addiction. I lived for years with paranoia, that there are people watching you.
When you live in that environment you don't realize that you pick up some of the thinking and traits of agreeing so you don't end up part of the conspiracy and hurt.
After my husband died I had a whole house to clean up because he was a prepper/ horder. The first thing I did was throw away the shades and curtains. I struggled to open windows that had been shut for years. I felt like a Phoenix raising up from the darkness.
When I had to replace the front door I got one that was half window just so even with lace curtains on it there was light coming in.
I've realized that I will always be uncomfortable in a place where you can't open the shades. I want to be able to open the curtains and the windows. Even though there are different types of darkness in the world and I love the nighttime and I'm learning to embrace my darkness. I also want the light the fresh air the choice of being able to open them.
I don't regret the years I lived in darkness to help someone I loved with all my heart and soul. But I don't want to live that way anymore. I want to see the light.
Make sure you hugg your love ones and tell them you love them but make sure to love yourself too.
Have a blessed week!
Hugs,
Clearly (Cie)
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